Relationships. Are powerful! Whether positive or negative.
I had 2 toxic relationships in my life.
It wasn't their fault and it wasn't mine. It was ours.
My first relationship I was 16. I thought I loved him. In this age I knew nothing about red flags. He told me his life and he trusted me with so much! His dad was abusive to his mother and his mother dated abusive men after abusive men. I was such a good girl and he was so bad I was intrigued! He didn't give a 💩 he just did whatever. I was a free spirit and he loved it. But one day he got angry. He didn't hit me but the way he grabbed me was aggressive. He shook me when he spoke and pushed me on the bed. Now that I look back...That day started a wave for me. I lost it! I begin throwing things at him and I stormed out his house. He followed and pleaded and I left. But he said sorry...so we got back together. He didn't hit me or grab me anymore but he did cheat on me regularly. His excuse was he wanted to be with me that way but I wanted to wait for marriage so because I did I pushed him to do these things. Though he said he was okay with it before we exchanged the labels. He would ghost me before ghosting was a thing. I swear he invented that 💩. And come back with so much love and affection. Then left me for another woman then came back to me then left me because I had trust issues. That was it for me so I decided to move on and I dated but kept my distance from my emotions and feelings towards men. That toxicity went on for 2 and a half years.
Next I met the man of my dreams. So I believed, he was a Christian man, he promised to put me first and he loved me. Red flags and all at the beginning I married this one. I compromised and acted like a wife before we said I do do I set the standard pretty dang high. We had emotional abuse, physical fights, gas lighting, verbal abuse, feeling alone and stuck. I left, not once but twice. The first time I made a mistake and said I gotta go back, gotta make this right. The second time I'm still here in the second time. And this time I'm pretty sure is the last time.
So beautiful, it's okay to make mistakes. If I can survive, so can you! #partoflife