come what may day 30 - 3am
I used to stay up until 3am just to talk to you.
that was a really stupid choice, looking back on it. but then again, you always made me a little crazy.
at 3am, we'd talk about anything on our minds. I'm pretty sure both of us were delirious with exhaustion by then. I told you all of my wildest dreams and dark stories of the past, all of my crazy fears and random thoughts. and you told me everything there was to know about you, too. your plans for the future, your crazy past, the parts of you that you didn't share with anyone else.
I really thought we had something special going.
and yet, when your presence became abrasive, I kept faith that the gentle, good guy was still in there somewhere.
even as you began to get angry at me for everything. even as you constantly made me listen to your problems and give you advice, and then wouldn't even give the time of day to my worries. even as you began to mock and taunt my fears and hopes and dreams and really anything that came out of my mouth. even as you put me down and told me I was ugly. even as you told me I was an inconvenience.
even as the boy I knew slowly started to die.
a part of me hoped that the kind, gentle, caring boy with wild dreams and a humble origin was still in there.
which is why it hurt the most when you started sharing things from our 3am talks with all those other people who you knew were jerks to me.
it hurt when you started exploiting my secrets knowing well enough I'd never do the same to you.
it hurt when you stopped talking to me at 3am.
that's how I knew that the boy I loved was no longer inside of you.
not even the slightest bit.
I should never have stayed up until 3am to talk to you.
I should've just gone to sleep.
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