I remember thinking rehab would be a deluxe experience, sessions with a compassionate physcologist, hearty meals, poolside banana lounges, games of chess with other tortured artists, supermodels with big sunglasses. I don’t know what I based it on, I know that I had watched the film 28 days with Sandra Bullock,perhaps it was that.
One of the conditions of my Corrections order was that I complete long term rehab. Otherwise, jail. Prison was something I was fascinated with, I emulated the tough guys I knew who’d been there, I pretended I was one of them from time to time, but I certainly didn’t want to actually go there.
I waited at the head office on bridge road. The rehab was run by the clients in the program, so I was met by 2 of them, they searched my stuff, strangely confiscating a book I had "1001 films you must see before you die" due to a b&w photo of a topless woman. Great start. ‘Duran’ was one of the clients. As in - Hungry like the Wolf? I said with jest. He did not laugh nor humour me, just told me to get in the van. Excellent.
I asked him what the rehab was like, he explained it was his 4th time there and he had currently been there for 18 months. More excellent.
I was asked to go and work in the garden as soon as I arrived, there are not many activities I despise more than gardening. I was greeted by some bug eyed overly enthusiastic clients, who had long lost their social graces, asking very personal questions immediately.
10 cigarettes are rationed to us each morning, smoking is only permitted at certain times in the day. I actually couldn’t fathom that they expected me to survive on only 10 cigarettes a day, AND to only smoke when I was told. I began to seriously question my commitment to the getting sober pleasing the courts proposition .
My room mate Insists he had some pull with the girls at the rehab, and if I wanted he could hook me up. First bit of good news. The conversation takes a sour turn, it ends ups with him offering me a blowjob. I politely decline, and ask him to not ask again.
Anyway, he did offer me another blowjob, we got into a fight and I was kicked out of rehab. *continued in comments*